Yesterday I dropped a list that made the B2B sales world shit itself.
Within hours, I was getting DMs asking if I was unwell—emails calling it libel, and WhatsApps from people who “loved my work” last week now questioning my sanity.
That’s when I knew I hit a nerve—because nothing scares the Sales Illuminati more than someone who stops pretending.
They don't want the truth. They want clout control.
And that’s exactly why I wrote this.
Sales isn’t broken because of AI. It’s broken because of the grifters, plagiarists, and panel-mongers who turned thought leadership into a clown car of LinkedIn mediocrity.
They preach empathy, then block you. They sell authenticity, but get their VAs to write it. They scream about mental health—then use yours as ammo when you don’t bow to their script.
So to prove I’m not scared? I’m starting with me.
Below: 16 of the most famous sales figures alive. Roasted. Flamed. Barbecued. Including yours truly. (16 is my lucky number from roulette.)
Let’s detonate some reputations.
1. JUSTIN MICHAEL – THE ALGO NARCISSIST
I’ve been to LinkedIn jail 7 times. I spammed your feed like a triple-A SDR with no supervision. I wrote a book called Cold Call ALGO, then ghostwrote a dozen others and forgot where I left the passwords. I trained assassins but can’t explain ALGO without a napkin sketch and two Red Bulls. I call myself the John Wick of Sales, but sometimes I’m just Wick from Wish.
I don’t give a damn what anyone thinks. And if you’re reading this wondering if I’m okay? I am. I’m just not fake.
2. JORDAN BELFORT – THE FRAUDFATHER
The Wolf of Wall Street became the Chihuahua of ChatGPT. Suddenly he’s on podcasts warning jobs will vanish—yes, especially if people use his Neanderthal sales scripts. His Straight Line method is perfect—for closing penny stocks and getting indicted. You can feel the SEC in his tonality. He’s milking DiCaprio’s shadow harder than a Reddit NFT scam. Jordan teaches you how to sell like it’s 1986—before ethics, internet, or indictments.
3. GRANT CARDONE – THE 10X PASTOR OF PANIC
Uncle G is what happens when Glengarry Glen Ross drinks pre-workout. He sells like every call is a hostage situation. Talks so loud, you can smell the desperation in his mic. If volume closed, he’d own Earth. Instead, he yells about jets on TikTok and sells real estate to gym bros. The 10X Rule is great if you like ulcers, broken marriages, and open tabs. He’s a motivational speaker who skipped the nuance module.
4. ALEX HORMOZI – THE SLIDE DECK SISYPHUS
$100M offers. Still waiting on a $100 close. Hormozi is the B2C gym bro who wandered into B2B and started pitching SaaS founders like they just left CrossFit. Exploding offers don’t work on a six-figure buying committee, Alex. Your weighted vest is carrying the hopes of every broke bro in a WeWork. He’s not SaaS. He’s Shopify with better lighting. If Canva had a fitness brand, it’d wear a headband and quote this guy.
5. JOSH BRAUN – THE NICK AT NIGHT NEGOTIATOR
Josh teaches sales like he’s narrating Blue’s Clues. "Stay curious" — unless you ask about his quota history, then you get blocked faster than a robocall. He borrowed objection techniques like raingutters, carwash mitts, and the rest of my playbook. He says his wife teaches sales. Great. Can she close the DMs he avoids? Josh built a brand on empathy. Too bad you’ll never get to test it—unless you agree with him.
6. JUSTIN WELSH – THE $99 NOTION NOMAD
You don’t move to Nashville if you’re rich. You move there to podcast in a barn. Welsh claims to make $5MM/year, charges $2,000/hour, and lives like a startup intern. He posts like a SaaS monk: clean, quiet, and suspiciously empty. Everything is Notion templates and medium-bold takes. Mr. Clean hairdo. Mr. Vaporwave value. He’s the IKEA of LinkedIn — looks good until you lean on it.
7. CHRIS WALKER – THE DEMAND GEN DEACON
Chris called me “sloppy and excessive.” This from a guy who’s never held a real marketing title and built Refine Labs on sunburns and soundbites. He says “buyers don’t want to talk to sales.” Neither do his. He tans harder than he closes. He vibes harder than he validates. His entire brand is a case study in white space: no receipts, just resonance.
8. KEENAN – THE GAP YELLER
Blogger turned ski instructor turned keynote screamer. GAP Selling was ghostwritten, yet he still parades around like a sales Tolkien. He lied about 100K sales—it sold 40K. But who needs truth when you have decibels? Keenan is a carnival barker with a LinkedIn Premium subscription. He cold DMs other trainers offering GAP licensing like it’s Herbalife. Every sentence is a monologue. Every call, a hostage negotiation.
9. JEB BLOUNT – THE FANATICAL GATEKEEPER
I sold 500 copies of Fanatical Prospecting for him. Now he acts like he doesn’t know me. Jeb is wickedly jealous. You can see it in his latest AI and sequencer book—a poor man’s ripoff of my work. He questions my mental health publicly and sells burnout as discipline. His hustle doctrine is great—if you’re allergic to boundaries. Prospecting like Jeb is a great way to end up divorced and dialing on Christmas Eve.
10. ARMAND & NICK – THE WRESTLEPOD WANNABES
Their book is the Copy.ai version of my guides—line for line, vibe for vibe. They big-timed famous influencers, plagiarized half the industry, and made $1.5MM only to take home $150K. 30 Minutes to President’s Club? More like 30 seconds to Pretentious Claptrap. They call themselves elite closers, but build brands reacting to real ones. It’s all call reviews and cold takes—Sales Twitch for the unbooked.
11. MAX ALTSCHULER – THE PAULY D OF PIPELINE
Built Sales Hacker, claims he VC'd Outreach.io, but mainly VCs bottles at Vegas dayclubs. Max is that guy you see shirtless at a cabana with a pitch deck in one hand and a vape in the other. He ghosts harder than a CFO in Q4. His insights are like bottle service—expensive, shallow, and gone in 10 minutes. More club promoter than closer. More founder flex than founder facts.
12. RYAN REISERT – THE BUCKET BRAWLER
Burned every bridge in B2B. Declared old firms fraud. Burned his co-author. Blocked his own bucket. Needs anger management and probably a therapist not named ChatGPT. Looks like an ex-Hells Angel who discovered HubSpot. Tats scream prison. Posts scream meltdown. He hates me because he capped at $300K while I print 7 figures like coffee. Buckets leak. So does his credibility.
13. JARED ROBIN – THE REVELATION GRIFTER
Insecure doesn’t cover it. Jared is the poster child for overcompensating in public and crying in private. He stole RevGenius from Pavilion, copied Sam Jacobs’ model, then DEI-washed it for likes. Hair like Jesus. Bedside manner like Al Capone. RevGenius is a LinkedIn basement party for influencers who didn’t get invited to real ones. More sponsored panels than pipeline. Revolving door full of roaches.
14. GIULIO SEGANTINI – THE HUMAN BANANA
Dresses like a priest-ninja-nun. Scripts like a chatbot with daddy issues. His call guides are what not to do. If he sold in Singapore, they’d cane him. Claims to coach, but couldn’t close a window. Clearly lives in his mom’s basement, ironing cold call templates and playing Jenga with other people’s frameworks. He’s not shadowbanned. He’s just irrelevant.
15. ALEX BOYD – THE CAVEMAN CONSULTANT
He looks like he just invented fire and now wants to optimize email subject lines. Can’t market. Can’t sell. Can’t spell traction. Posts riddles with zero reply rate and teaches cold email like a philosophy minor on acid. Another LinkedIn hater who thinks moody headshots = success. He’s the sales version of a startup with no product.
16. MATT LAKAJEV – THE CHATFLOW CHARLATAN
1.5MM in 3 years? Cute. That’s one week of real SaaS. Talked to him once. His goal? “Set it up so I never talk to a human.” His chatflow scripts are hungrier than an SDR at quarter close. "Great to connect. Want a community invite or tips?" Neither, fraud. The only thing weaker than his openers is his pipeline.
MIC DROP:
They build frameworks. I build weapons. They chase clout. I chase truth.
This wasn’t libel. This was legacy.
If they block me after this, I’ll know I hit quota.
They’re trying to ban this book. It’s $3 at coldcallalgo.com — until they make me pull it.
Screenshot this post. Share it before they shadowban it.
They questioned my sanity. So I questioned their careers.
They built brands. I built a blacklist.
Now go make some real calls.